Archives for June 2007

Pregnancy Q & A

Pregnancy Questions & Answers: (from bulterwebs.com)

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Nursing Bras: Getting the right fit

Pregnancy brings many changes, and among them you will discover that those old bras just don’t fit any more (good news for some, bad news for others!). If you are going to buy new ones, you might as well go ahead and buy nursing bras, so you can continue to wear them after the baby arrives. Here is a helpful blog that gives tips on how to get the right fit!

 What I discovered when shopping for nursing bras is that almost any bra can be converted into a nursing bra! I desperately wanted a minimizer but was told that they don’t sell minimizing nursing bras… but they could convert a regular minimizer into a nursing bra. I went with that option and was very pleased (I should have gotten two, that’s the only one I really wore…) I think some people are concerned that the pressure of a minimizer can clog milk ducts but I never had any problems, and was grateful to fit back into my old clothes.

More Shark Tales

I know this blog is supposed to be about *human* pregnancy… specifically *mine*…. but this is just too interesting to pass up! Shark pregnancy baffles aquarium.

Unhealthy sperm found to cause miscarriage

Indian scientists studying the quality of sperm have discovered that 80 percent of the time, “imperfect and inefficient sperms lead to a weak embryo formation, finally ending with miscarriage.”  Women who experience recurrent pregnancy loss can find comfort in the fact that it may not be their fault; their partner has equal responsiblity in the creation of a healthy fetus. Read the article here.

Good news about Morning Sickness!

I don’t know who’s bright idea it was to research this, but a new study shows that pregnant women who experience morning sickness, nausea, and vomiting may have a 30 percent lower risk of developing breast cancer later in life.

Why is this so? Once again, you can thank those crazy hormones, specifically one called human chorionic gonadotropin, which studies have shown possesses “several activities that have potential protective effects against cancer cells.”

Want to know more? Read about it here.

15-Step Parenthood Preparation Program

If you don’t have kids yet, you might not find this amusing. If you do have kids, you’ll probably laugh out loud :-) 

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store. 2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. 3. Go home. 4. Pick up the paper. 5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their… 1. Methods of discipline. 2. Lack of patience. 3. Appallingly low tolerance levels. 4. Allowing their children to run wild. 5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…. 1. Get home from work and immediately begin walkin! g aroun d the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner) 2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. 3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM. 4. Set the alarm for 3AM. 5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial. 6. Go to bed at 2:45AM. 7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off. 8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM. 9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive) Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out.. 1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. 2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. 3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed. 4. Then rub them on the clean walls. 5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it. 6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh. 2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this – all morning.

Lesson 6
1. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator. 2. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. 3. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower

Lesson 7
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that. 1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. 2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player. 3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot. 4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 8
1. Get ready to go out. 2. Sit on the floor of your bathroom reading picture books for half an hour. 3. Go out the front door. 4. Come in again. Go out. 5. Come back in. 6. Go out again. 7. Walk down the front path. 8. Walk back up it. 9. Walk down it again. 10.Walk very slowly down the sidewalk for five minutes. 11. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every cigarette b utt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way. 12. Retrace your steps. 13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you. 14. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Lesson 9
Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.

Lesson 10
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is also excellent). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 11
1. Hollow out a melon. 2. Ma ke a small hole! in the side. 3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. 4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. 5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone. 6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air. You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.

Lesson 12
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s “Noggin”?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 13
Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.

Lesson 14
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying “mommy” repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each “mommy”; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 15
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the “mommy” tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Down’s Syndrome and Abortion

I have been seeing a number of articles lately, excitedly reporting that “Non-invasive screening of pregnant women… has reduced the number of children born in Denmark with Down syndrome by 50 per cent.” (Medicexchange.com) Now that might sound like good news, until you realize that the method of prevention is by abortion.  In fact, these enthusiastic articles are so careful about avoiding any reference to terminating pregnancy that I had to actually google “down’s syndrome abortion” to assure myself that this is actually the case.

This is a really difficult issue to talk about, even more so when you try to imagine what you would do in that situation. I would be devasted to think that any precious child of mine would be less than healthy in any way, but morally I believe abortion to be too extreme in the case of Down’s Syndrome.

Here is a Washington Post article by George Will that offers more information. He says that in America over 80 percent of babies diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome are aborted. Among such shocking news, is a story about a woman who chose to terminate her 28-week pregnancy because the baby had a cleft lip and palate. 

The American Association of People with Disabilities worries that “increasingly sophisticated prenatal genetic testing technologies will mean that parents who are told their expected babies are less than perfect ‘will experience pressures to terminate their pregnancies from medical professionals and insurers.'” Parents of less-than-perfect babies are often pressured to abort, and are given misinformation about the quality of life their child can expect. This coupled with what Mr. Will calls “the perfection-is-an-entitlement attitude” is preventing more and more of these children from being born. His comment on the mother who aborted her baby with the cleft lip is also sharply thought-provoking: “The refusal [of the prosecutor to file charges against the mother] implies that any abnormality can qualify as a serious handicap because seriousness is determined not by its impact on the disabled person’s life chances but by the parents’ reluctance to be inconvenienced by it.”

Another article I read on LifeSite.net quotes Brian Skotko, a joint-degree student at Harvard Medical School and Harvard’s John F. Kennedy School of Government, who has a 24-year-old sister with Down syndrome. He describes the medical profession’s abortion preferences as being invasive and unfair to pregnant women. If test results indicate Down’s Syndrome, many women do not want it presented as bad news. Rather, they want their doctor to provide them with realistic and accurate information.

Physicians must now realize that many mothers who opt for prenatal testing have no intentions of terminating their pregnancies and are offended by their physicians’ assumptions that they would do so…”Skotko writes, “With the appropriate sensitivity and explanation, obstetricians can make the births of children with Down syndrome celebratory experiences for those mothers who choose to continue their pregnancies after receiving prenatal diagnoses.”

Maternity Volleyball

I’m a bit confused. I want to know why a bunch of 8th graders are playing on the Maternity Volleyball team. Now that would be quite a sight, a bunch of pregnant chicks playing volleyball.

FYI, the experts on SheKnows don’t recomend high-contact sports for expecting mothers…

Daddy’s pregnant too!

Pregnant dadI have heard of dads-to-be who experience pregnancy symptons along with their wives, and on occasion I’ve accused my husband with trying to get in on the act. Well, apparently, they’re legit! Yes, even when your husband tells you he’s craving chicken kormas and poppadams (what the heck are those?). Or so says this new study by St George’s, University of London.

Included in the list of complaints are cramps, back pain, mood swings, food cravings, morning sickness, extreme tiredness, depression, irritability, fainting and toothache. Some even develop swollen stomachs that look like a “baby bump…”

Ok, now aren’t we taking this a wee bit too far, dad??

Meet Jessica Escott

I saw this article about some woman who claims to be 4 months pregnant (with her 3rd child) and still buys regular clothes in size small and x-small.  “I still buy sizes small and extra-small. I just think maternity clothes are too expensive for something you’re not going to wear for a long time, especially if you want something fashionable. I want something I can keep after I deliver.” Uh huh.  Is she lying or is her body totally abnormal? How long does she expect to fit into thse clothes? OK. Another thing… her name is Jessica and her husband’s name is Tim. But simple, common names like those apparently aren’t good enough for the next generation. Their 2 kids’ names are Nevaeh and Jahara. I don’t know if those are girls or boys names. Maybe unisex? And I can’t even pronounce the first one. What is up with people today trying to find the stangest, most exotic names they can find, and slapping them on their innocent children? I know people who do that, and while part of me gets the need to be original, I have trouble understanding the urge to venture into the simply strange and unpronouncable.

Celebs are the worst of all. Here’s a site that lists really weird names celebreties have given their kids, and lets you rate them. I haven’t heard of half these people, but I sure feel bad for their kids…

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